This is a deeply personal post, written with permission of the individual involved (although I will not name him because it simply isn't necessary).
Last week, I received a call from a friend. Not a super close friend of mine, but a guy whom I could count on and who I deeply respected. Lets call him Jim. Jim's wife, we'll call her Sally, and my wife are close friends. Jim was an assistant pastor at a ~2500 member Southern Baptist Church in the community. Sally was a stay at home mom. They recently adopted twin 6 month olds.
Jim called to confess to distancing himself from God and having an affair. I immediately set up a time to go and speak with him in person. We met two days later and I learned how things had come to this point. I share this story to act as a warning to others. If a few bad decisions can start Jim down the road to misery, it can happen to any of us.
Jim said that he had been in a downward spiral away from God for about a year and a half. He said that he had been unable to deal with the mounting pressure and stress that he felt as so many people (including me as I look back) placed him on a high pedestal for his maturity in the faith. He also got very insecure at the idea that he was going to be expected to take over this large church once the pastor left (which at that time looked like it would be soon).
Jim was only 26-27 years old at that time. He was already preaching one Sunday a month and he was increasingly gaining fame and notoriety in the county for his enthusiasm and his love of the Lord. Inside however, he was scared that he wasn't good enough. As a defense mechanism, he sought to puff himself up and increase the appearance that he was the "man for the job" even more.
Throwing himself into seminary work, blogs, podcasts, and the like...Jim had quickly given up on communion with the living God. Instead of trusting the Lord's timeline and plan, Jim tried to force his own agenda and build his own little kingdom. This increasing distance of his heart from God's heart opened up a vulnerability to demonic oppression and soon enough, Jim found himself lying just to lie and thinking dark thoughts.
Indeed, it is from the heart that evil desires come - murder, adultery, immorality, theft, lies, slander. (Matthew 15:19)
After 8-9 months of a downward spiral, Jim was approached by the wife of the church worship minister. The details here are unimportant, its enough to say that he fell into an affair rather easily given the state of his soul at that time. He tried to break it off but couldn't stay strong. Eventually an anonymous letter arrived at the church and the head pastor had to confront Jim on the truth of the claim of adultery.
Jim lied and went into sin mitigation crisis mode. He held to his lie for a week or so and only told his wife he had been unfaithful after finding out that his illicit partner had told her husband. For a few days, Jim even lied about the specifics of what happened during the affair! This story couldn't get any worse, and Jim finally came clean with everything. She was obviously hurt and broken. Jim went to live with his parents. The church fired Jim and gave his wife 3 months benevolence. The adoption, not being final, is in jeopardy of not occurring. Jim lost everything.
How senseless is the adulterer! Whoever commits adultery destroys himself. (Proverbs 6:32)
When I met with Jim, he was repentant and contrite. I asked him some hard questions to try and determine where his heart really is. I feel that he has truly seen the depths of his sin and he desires to be restored to a walk with the Lord.
Remember this...Jim is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Jim made horrible decisions and he let himself fall out of communion with God, culminating in his submission to the whispers of lust that the devil put forth. Jim screwed up royally, but we can't get so focused on his moral failure that we forget our true enemy. If we paint Jim as the enemy and not the serpent, then the devil will win once again.
Great sadness sweeps over me whenever I think of this tragedy. I pray for my friend, for the continued brokenness that he needs to feel before the Lord. But also that his shame and guilt does not turn into despair. There is hope. He is risen and all can be made new again.
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
and rend your hearts and not your garments.”
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
and he relents over disaster.
(Joel 2:12-13 )
I pray for his wife and his small children. I cannot fathom the depths of her pain and I ask the Lord to give them strength to carry on and to care for those precious children. I also ask God, if its his will, to give her a heart of mercy in due time. I hope for the restoration of their marriage and the prosperity of their family.
I know that if God works to restore Jim and his life, it will not be for Jim's sake.
It is not for your sake that I will act, declares the Lord GOD; let that be known to you. Be ashamed and confounded for your ways...
(Ezekiel 36:32 )
The Lord may choose to redeem this act of evil for good. He may paint such a portrait of grace through this situation that people in the community will be forced to say, "that's the Lord!" I pray that he does and I trust in his sovereign wisdom. I plan to meet with Jim regularly to help him stay accountable in his journey to restoration and I would ask for your prayers that God would use me to bring wisdom and peace to Jim in those times. I also think, and pray, that those times will be beneficial to me. I need constant reminder of my own sin and proclivity to failure.
Ultimately, I hope that this terrible fall will make all of us tremble in fear at how close we are to making that one decision that leads to another that leads to our ruin. No one is above the lies and temptations of the enemy. Stay close to the Lord and lean upon him for the protection of your soul. There is a war going on out there with real casualties (as evidenced by the painful fallout of this affair). Do not be fooled.
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
(1 Peter 5:8 )
Do not assume yourself better than Jim...
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
(Matthew 5:27-28 )
But also never forget...
... he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
(1 John 4:4b )
No comments:
Post a Comment